Top Five Oh... My... Gosh...
Saturday, August 19, 2006
I'm loving the Top 5 orgy that Arcadia started so much that I thought I'd share a bit of it with you here on Milf's. Here are my Top Five Oh... My... Gosh... moments from the last six years as a medical student.
1. And then it fell off in my hand
Urology rotation, 4th year
1. And then it fell off in my hand
Urology rotation, 4th year
We're sent to talk to and examine a fifty-something year old patient in the male ward. As soon as we ask him what's wrong, he pulls down his pants. We stare. We look at each other, to make sure each of us isn't the only one confused. We stare some more. His penis... well, it's not there. What happened? we ask. The man tells us that one day, a few months ago, he noticed a bump at the base of his penis. He didn't think too much of it, hoping it would go away. It didn't. It got larger and larger, until he couldn't pee anymore, and he went to his GP. The GP made a spot diagnosis of penile cancer, and forwarded the patient to the urology department at the local hospital, stat (as we say). The man elected not to go to the hospital. The tumour then started to outgrow its blood supply, and as we expect, became necrotic in the middle. This dead area began to erode through the man's penis until a few day before we saw him, at which point it, well, fell off in his hand.
'What did you do with it?' somebody asks. He looks at us like we're stupid.
'I flushed it down the toilet, of course.'
'What did you do with it?' somebody asks. He looks at us like we're stupid.
'I flushed it down the toilet, of course.'
2. Suicide Saturday
Family Medicine Rotation, 5th year
Here's a link to a post I did a while back on Sort-Of Here, about I man I saw once in casualties who had shot himself in the face.
3. Palpation
Pregnancy and Neonatology block, 3rd year
Finally! We get to touch patients properly. And the first patients we touch are healthy, happy pregnant women. I'll always remember the first time I properly examined an abdomen (and a pregnant one, for that matter), under the guidance of a senior obstetrics consultant. He showed us how to measure the size of the uterus, how to work out which end was baby-head and which end was baby-bum. He showed us what he like to call his 'umbilical walk' - the horizontal movement of your fingers across the abdomen, in line with the belly button, to figure out which side the baby's back is on. He then took my hand and said, 'Feel here - that's a little leg.' And it was. That was probably the most exciting moment I'd had in medicine up until that point, and I instantly fell in love with O&G.
Pregnancy and Neonatology block, 3rd year
Finally! We get to touch patients properly. And the first patients we touch are healthy, happy pregnant women. I'll always remember the first time I properly examined an abdomen (and a pregnant one, for that matter), under the guidance of a senior obstetrics consultant. He showed us how to measure the size of the uterus, how to work out which end was baby-head and which end was baby-bum. He showed us what he like to call his 'umbilical walk' - the horizontal movement of your fingers across the abdomen, in line with the belly button, to figure out which side the baby's back is on. He then took my hand and said, 'Feel here - that's a little leg.' And it was. That was probably the most exciting moment I'd had in medicine up until that point, and I instantly fell in love with O&G.
4. Sex Ed
Obstetrics and Gynaecology Elective, The Bahamas, 4th year
I was sitting in with a consultant in the gynaecology clinic at a hospital in Nassau. A woman came in, for what I remember as a general gynae check-up. She complained only of a small pimple on one of her labia. The doctor examined her, and told her there was nothing to worry about. As she was about fifty years old, the doctor also gave her some advice on menopause, and what she should expect from it. He told her about the mood swings, the hot flushes, the vaginal dryness. And he offered treatment advice. Now, here, when we're giving advice on the management of vaginal dryness, we tell women about things like Hormone Replacement Therapy, estrogen creams, and the use of lubricants such as KY Jelly. The consultant didn't mention these things. He said, 'It'll get dry down there, and then when you wanna have some fun, you have to get your man to lick it up a little to get it nice and wet.'
What?
I nearly died right there and then, in my little student's chair. I thought she was going to slap him. But she didn't even bat an eye. She just asked, 'But what if he sees that little pimple then?'
5. Thank you
Community Obstetrics Rotation, 5th year
We 'catch our babies' in various rural hospitals spread out all over the country. We get assigned to one or other of these hospitals, go there for three weeks, work day and night, until we've filled our logbooks and are skilled enough to be considered competent midwives. I often feel like patients look at us as doctors and think we're the enemy. They just see all the pain we cause them, the way we disrupt their lives and routines with diagnoses and management plans, and then the often less-than-wonderful results we inflict on them. But for the first time, in my community obstetrics rotation, I didn't feel like that. Women whose babies I delivered said things like thank you, I appreciate your help, and I couldn't have done it without you. They asked me to name their babies. Obviously, I don't do this to be thanked or adored, but it was so good, for the first time, to actually feel like I was being useful, and had done some good for someone.
posted by Karen Little @ 11:48 AM,
6 Comments:
-
At 1:39 PM,
Wendy said...
-
I love that! I obviously have to get into some of this top 5 list stuff.
-
At 4:47 PM,
michael said...
-
He flushed it down the toilet? Hahahahahaahahahaaaaa! That's brilliant! Lol. Guess it just shows that you need to be on the ball all the time.
-
At 12:28 AM,
Twanji Kalula said...
-
I have so much respect for what you do. I could never do it. I really don't care for the non-sexy human body dead or alive and vomiting blood on to my shoes would never take place!
I cannot believe that a doctor would tell a patient to get licked up as iof it was an ordinary conversation. So inappropriate, so awkward, so unbelieveable, yet so hilarious! I love it! -
At 6:57 AM,
arcadia said...
-
wow. have the birth-experiences at all influenced your own thoughts on having children?
also - the licking?! that's the funniest thing!! -
At 4:07 AM,
Viking054 said...
-
Oh my gosh... Number 1 made me sad. But number 4 made me giggle :) Good list!
-
At 11:37 AM,
The Electric Orchid Hunter said...
-
Anybody reading this blog can have absolutely no doubt that you were made to be a doctor. So much pain, pleasure, passion, and indeed, other words starting with P. I am very, very proud that I can call you my friend. Can I have a signed presentation copy of the book this blog is going to become one day?
